


Not My Cup of Coffee

by Say_lon_I



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bittersweet Ending, Bottom Erwin Smith, Breaking Up & Making Up, Erwin Smith-centric, Idiots in Love, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mutual Pining, past unhealthy relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-20
Updated: 2020-10-20
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:29:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27104257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Say_lon_I/pseuds/Say_lon_I
Summary: Erwin isn't in love; he has never wanted something this badly before either.
Relationships: Levi/Erwin Smith
Comments: 19
Kudos: 94





	Not My Cup of Coffee

**Author's Note:**

> This used to be a twitfic of sorts but I wanted to flesh it out a bit and post it here. 
> 
> Just a little thingie to explore how the Ackerman-Smith dynamic would work in a modern setting where Erwin doesn't want to admit he's in love and Levi is too persistent for his own good.

Levi approaches him for the first time in an organic, homegrown ghost costume.

It's at a little get together hosted by the Mitras Corporation. There's tacky orange crepe lining the walls of the rented hall, fruit punch that might as well be wine, and half-assed skeletons welcoming the guests at the entrance. The newbies are going wild. Erwin's immediate coworkers from Marketing are more on the reserved side; he's the only one in costume, slicked back hair, fake teeth and all, and he must be doing something right considering the ladies haven't been able to keep themselves from making vampire jokes at his expense all evening.

"What are you supposed to be? Gothic Captain America?" The newcomer from the IT Cell throws at him. That's rich coming from someone who has stuck his head through a white bedsheet and called it a day.

Erwin ignores him. The man is drunk and swaying on his feet, clearly looking for a fight, and Erwin's frilly shirt with laces at its front is borrowed from a semi-friend, so he's not interested in anything the man may have to offer.

But Levi is in his hair the next day too. He's squinting at him from across the parking lot when Erwin pulls up in his Buick Verano. He returns the fake teeth Erwin had mysteriously lost two nights prior, does the bare minimum at introducing himself. Erwin gets a pathetic attempt at an apology later in the afternoon; a cup of tea to make up for the misbehavior he's had to endure. Erwin doesn't drink tea, yet he accepts it without a word. Levi isn't inexperienced, but he's still young, rough around the edges, and despite Erwin having choked on the fumes from his motorbike earlier, it's an incentive enough to excuse the misgivings.

Their paths cross plenty in the days that follow, and if he's being honest to himself, maybe subconsciously Erwin is seeking the thrill of humiliation.

It doesn't make sense, because Levi by no means is a looker. He's got awful manners, torn jeans to show for professionalism, a face that's too sharp, weirdly feminine hands, and a mouth that needs to be washed out with bleach. The guy even calls Erwin a 'bitch' at one point. If nothing else, Erwin gets to practice his self-control spectacularly.

He doesn't avoid the guy, of course. That would mean he's admitting that he's bothered by Levi and his antics, and there's nothing more humiliating than _that_.

Levi pesters him; he approaches him at the bar when they happen to be drunk there on the same days, leans against his motorbike and watches with hooded eyes as Erwin gets his morning coffee from the nearest joint. The IT Cell and Marketing have nothing in common, but the amount of times Levi loiters over to their department either means he slacks off a lot, which should really be looked into if that's the case, or that he's done with his silly little codes for good and looking for a transfer already.

It doesn't take long for their banter and condescending glances to turn sexual. Erwin has experienced being the object of desire many a times in his life; ever since he'd filled into his body past adolescence, ever since the baby fat had melted into chiseled edges and the muscles bulked up, he's been the centre of attention. Even with him nearing his forties, that attention hasn't gone away. It's in a quick once over, in a peek of a tongue here, some biting of the bottom lip there. Sometimes in a lingering hand on his shoulder.

Levi, for his record, does none of that. He stands five feet away from Erwin at all times. He raises a questioning eyebrow at Erwin during briefings and scoffs at his well thought out plans. He points out each plot-hole with abundant satisfaction. He doesn't have to fake niceties or compliments, doesn't have to put on a show of being overtly flirtatious to show he's interested; he just is. Contrary to his stoic face, Levi wears his heart on his sleeve. It leaves Erwin gasping for breath.

It's in the way his head turns whenever Erwin passes by, in the way he leans over Erwin's shoulder when helping him recover the files he's accidentally deleted on his desktop, in the way his fingers drum against the table when he's calling Erwin a "pretty boy riding on his father's coattails". In the way his voice lilts a tad bit when he's ordering "whiskey, straight" for Erwin's virgin tastes.

When it gets to the point that they can't be in the same room without everyone tasting the thick tension between them, Erwin gives in. Thinks it's the best way to get Levi off of his back, and off his mind too.

It's an absolutely reckless night. Erwin has made the grave mistake of wearing his new button down and Levi is impatient. Their little verbal confrontation at the office's drinking party about inconsequential things has left them both worked up. His buttons pop easily. They tumble in bed, kick off their shoes and socks, and Levi presses him face first into the mattress the moment he has the upper hand in their scuffle. His compact body feels searing hot on Erwin's back. Erwin isn't inebriated, but he pretends to be when he urges Levi to keep going in case the man starts second-guessing himself. He's rewarded with a trail of kisses down his spine before being fucked senseless into the night.

Levi makes him breakfast the next morning, clicks his tongue and calls Erwin "disgusting" over his choice of unsweetened, black coffee. Erwin says nothing; he can barely manage to sit.

They part amicably, save for the dozen complaints Levi has with the way Erwin puts on his shirt and shaves. The man is a nightmare. He cleans up after himself almost obsessively, cleans until his hands are pruned and red. Erwin walks back into the kitchen to the smell of lemongrass and promptly fears whatever he's gotten himself into. Levi is quick in taking his leave then, almost as if embarrassed; doesn't even ask for his contact number. Thank goodness. Erwin doesn't bother offering it either.

That's that then, he thinks.

Two days down the line, Levi appears at his doorstep with a bag of groceries like it's the most natural thing in the world. He's wearing a pair of shorts and an old, vintage print t shirt and has brought his own apron. Erwin regrets letting him into the apartment the first time around. He can't say no now because it's a Monday night and he has work tomorrow and no time to deal with needless drama.

Levi makes dinner; some personal take on spaghetti and meatballs, coupled with store bought garlic bread, nothing too fancy or out of the box. Entirely too homely though. Erwin isn't sure how to take that. He helps in chopping the vegetables. Occasionally, he stirs the sauce and ignores the way Levi's gaze is burning holes into his ass.

The guy has enough decency to hold himself back until after they finish eating. Credits where credits due.

Erwin rides him bareback next to the kitchen island, nipples stuck into the other's mouth, and then hears him complain about the bodily fluids on the floor for the next two hours. Erwin hasn't had time to even catch his breath yet. He thinks of reminding the man that this is _his_ house, that Levi doesn't need to rub his fingerprints off everytime he's staying over, but drops the idea promptly.

Erwin is, by nature, not a confrontational man when it comes to his personal life. He has cultivated a habit of letting things fester if he knows poking into them will only give him headaches. Usually, those things go away on their own. Sometimes, they spit in his face, call him a heartless man, and cut off all contact. Levi does not go away on his own. He squeezes past Erwin into his bed, takes him out on late night drives, holds his hand in public. He's bought new curtains for the guest room, and there's an extra packet of authentic coffee beans in his kitchen cupboard that Erwin doesn't remember ordering. His apartment smells like lemongrass all the time. Erwin doesn't particularly notice until Levi has already wriggled his way into his everyday life that oh, oh no, this isn't a one night stand anymore. Hell, this isn't even a friends with benefits thing anymore. It hits him when they're in the middle of a smooch fest on his faux leather couch. Levi's all over him, hands roaming, their shirts ridden up, his mouth tasting like the butter on their popcorn, and Erwin has to physically remove the man from his person and kick him out of the apartment to get a clear head.

The aftermath of it isn't pretty. Levi isn't a charming reject. He's demanding and confrontational, has no qualms about disrupting his peace and physically butting into his routine. Even Erwin's co-workers send him pitying looks whenever they spot Levi's motorbike parked outside the office premises or spot him skulking in the hallways.

"We aren't dating" isn't the answer Levi has been looking for, it turns out. Erwin spends the night trying to get coffee stains out of his shirt.

It takes some time to sort out that mess.

The good thing is that once Levi has calmed down, he's reasonable; doesn't avoid Erwin, doesn't curse him out, doesn't go out of his way to pick on him either. It's... The usual. It's how things are supposed to be.

His days feel a lot more peaceful now. Empty, but peaceful. No more unsolicited cups of coffee, no more late night drives eating bugs with the cold wind whipping his face. He orders takeout but the taste of barely edible, home-cooked meals still linger on his tongue. Erwin doesn't know what's wrong. He's never been one to not enjoy his own company.

Levi isn't interested in romance in general. Neither is Erwin. He's not heard Levi say a word of sweet nothings. If he had, he might have needed a reality check to be honest. Levi doesn't flaunt his new bedmates in Erwin's face like a lot of his exes had, doesn't send him vengeful looks or anonymous texts. Not that Erwin is keeping a watch; they just happen to see each other even outside of office hours courtesy working in the same line of profession, in the same company no less. Sometimes the man buys someone a drink at a company get together. Sometimes he's chatting with the same person for hours. Erwin, of course, tells himself he isn't bothered.

He has been missing the jibes though. They no longer hold gazes in the hallways anymore, and the amount of times they'd accidentally walk into each other on an average day has reduced to a big fat zero. Some nights, Erwin even misses the bruising grip on his hips, misses the awkwardly tender kisses. The attention had been flattering after all.

Erwin doesn't recognise this Erwin.

"You should've just told me that you weren't looking for anything serious from the get go," Levi comments casually one day when they're standing in line to order coffee. Erwin doesn't know when Levi started drinking coffee. They haven't spoken a civil word to each other in _weeks_. They haven't spoken much at all, actually. The morning rush hour is making things worse, forcing them to choose between a heavily pregnant silence or an awkward conversation. Levi has picked the latter on both their behalves; unlike Erwin, he's never been a coward.

"I thought it was obvious," Erwin replies, his eyes on the expensive watch he's wearing. "It's not like you asked me out to begin with."

"That's fair." Levi nods. He looks slightly disappointed. Erwin is too.

Erwin is also wary; he's been trying hard to avoid Levi's gaze, avoid any accidental brushing of arms. He's even softblocked the man on all social media platforms they've been friends on. He's hyper aware of Levi in a way that he never was before. He takes his coffee, thanks the barista, turns.

"Do you wanna go out with me?" Levi asks, sounds non-committal. He's ten years too early to even be daring to ask that, but Erwin has been expecting it.

"I don't think so," Erwin says, ignores the way grey eyes turn to the floor and steps past Levi. "Now if you'll excuse me. I don't want to be late for work."

Once he's in his car, he puts his hands on the steering wheel and listens to the blood roaring in his head. He's got it all; a steady job, social standing, looks, a decent apartment. This thrill is only momentary; it'll take Levi less than a week to move on, lesser to find a new body warmer. He's got a weird charm that tends to fool people into giving in. Erwin had almost fallen for it. Almost. He tries to will his heart to be still, but the traitorous organ let's him down yet again. Damn it. Erwin curses himself and steps out of the car. He's absolutely mental.

Levi emerges out of the shop with a regular coffee. He's frowning at it and holding it like it's rat kill, which is mildly amusing to watch. It only takes him a moment to notice Erwin still in the driveway, standing next to his car, his crisp, blue suit a stark contrast to the grays of the street.

"What's it now?" Levi sounds tired.

"Why did you ask me out?"

Levi stares. He's dumbstruck. He looks around furtively, or maybe he's waiting for the punchline of the joke, then frowns, frowns harder once his gaze is locked onto Erwin's again. The tips of his ears are turning red, but he's glaring. "Is this some kinda trick question?" He demands.

He's clearly embarrassed. God. That's kind of cute.

"It's a simple question," Erwin replies, brows knit together, arms crossed.

It's not that he's fishing for compliments. This isn't about a confession, or about feelings; isn't as much about how Levi feels as it is about how much Erwin can _believe_. For once, he's looking for plain, barren ground in the middle of the jungle. He knows they're a few decades too old to indulge in I-like-you's. Levi hasn't expressed any interest in wanting to date, or wanting to be together, or wanting Erwin. Sure he's had his whole fist up Erwin's ass, but he's yet to breathe a word of romance. Erwin isn't particularly interested in intruding on that front; this is hardly a romantic comedy, after all.

"Aren't you getting late for work?" Levi deflects. Erwin raises an eyebrow.

Ah. So he's not the only coward here after all.

At least Levi now knows not to ask someone out in a fucking Starbucks.

"Why did you ask me out, Levi?" Erwin stresses. His accelerated heartbeat is only because of the caffeine, he assures himself. Perhaps he should get some tips from the other man on how to remove coffee stains before he gets another cup chucked at his face.

Levi growls. It's hardly a foreign sound. He hesitates for only a moment before throwing caution to the wind. "Because I'm interested in you, fuckwad." He takes a step towards Erwin, and if they weren't doing this on the sidewalk of a busy street in broad daylight, Erwin might have been a tad bit intimidated. Levi is surprisingly sturdier than he looks, he's learnt. "Why the fuck are you being such a bitch about it?"

" _I'm_ being a bitch?"

"Bloody hell, you won't say yes but you'll still fucking pester me and make eyes at me and yet I'm the one who's supposed to explain 'why'?"

Erwin feels called out. He very nearly puts a hand on his heart and gasps in indignation. "I don't-"

"The fuck you don't." Levi looks visibly enraged. "You think I don't notice just because you don't have the balls to say it out loud? Either take it or leave it. I'm sick of playing your games. I don't gotta deal with your god damn imposter syndrome or whatever the fuck it is that you've got going on. That ain't my problem."

Erwin thinks it's a bad time to have this conversation after all. Not here, not in the middle of the street where people have started giving them a wide berth because of Levi's sharp tone and cuss words. Not when he has to be in the office for the rest of the day and hear coworkers whispering about another one of his affairs gone wrong. And preferably, never.

Levi notices his discomfort, pinches the bridge of his button nose and takes a few deep breaths to gather himself. "Do you want to go out with me or not?" He asks slowly, deliberately.

"No," Erwin says, presses his lips together. Lying isn't coming to him as naturally today as it usually does. He covers his eyes and sighs loudly. "Yes. Yes, I do."

"Fucking Christ."

"I know."

Levi out-adults him by far by suggesting he take some time to think it over. He doesn't look particularly convinced of anything Erwin has to say on the matter right then. He doesn't even want to hear Erwin's explanations. Maybe that's for the best. Erwin can barely make a coherent sentence in his head.

It takes Levi a week to find his number from a third party again and begin inane textual conversations.

Erwin invites him for dinner over the weekend. He's decided to take the initiative for once, has realized Levi is a man of few words but his actions speak louder than his words anyway, and Erwin can only hope that his whispers make it across the great chasm he's dug up between them. They go for a movie, something artistic and French that Levi complains about afterwards. They greet each other at banquets, exchange pictures of cats and talk about soccer, and Levi picks up his morning coffee on the way to the office everyday.

Erwin is busy chopping onions one day when Levi laughs at his teary eyes. It's a first. He's got a low hum to his laughter, and it births something warm in Erwin's chest, has it spreading to the rest of his body soon enough.

"Fucking gross," Levi mutters, and wipes a tear rolling down Erwin's cheek. He uses a spare tissue from the kitchen table to work on Erwin's nose. He hasn't asked about Erwin's answer, has never even mentioned the train wreck that happened outside the Starbucks that Erwin hasn't dared to visit since their public altercation, but Erwin thinks about it everyday. "Yanno, they say if you refrigerate onions before chopping them, they won't hurt your eyes. The cold slows down the tear inducing gas that they release when cut," Levi goes on to explain casually. "Can't believe fucking roots of a plant have better self defense mechanism than I do."

It sounds like an intentional jab aimed at Erwin. "It's a bulb," the blond says.

"Hmm?"

"Onions are bulbs. Vegetables like carrots, yams and gingers are classified as roots."

"Ginger is a herb."

"I'm pretty sure it's a spice."

Levi clicks his tongue. "Shut the fuck up, master chef wannabe."

Erwin leans down and kisses the corner of his mouth.

Levi is clearly caught off guard. He doesn't move away, but he doesn't invade Erwin's personal space either. His breath smells like mint, and there's the scent of cigarettes still clinging to his clothes. Levi never smokes in front of him. "If you do that, you're gonna get my hopes up," Levi says in the aftermath of it.

"I know". Erwin isn't being ironic.

Levi squints, glances down at Erwin's lips. Erwin can see the gears turning in his head, can see him come to a raw conclusion that Erwin himself is afraid of hearing. Levi is barely in his thirties, but he reads people too well. "But you don't actually wanna date me. You don't wanna date anyone. You think you _shouldn't_ get to date anyone."

Erwin laughs. It's self-deprecating at best. Levi grins back, but it doesn't warm him like before.

"I like you, Smith. A lot. You don't think it's unfair to me?" The man asks.

Things are rarely fair. Erwin has grown up in a conservative family, has spent half his life religiously going to the Church and trying to fit in, spent a quarter of that trying not to bring shame upon his forefathers' names. He has dated a dozen men and women and people who were neither or were both and not once been in love. It's all unfair. Good things don't exist for men like him. He goes through the motions of everyday living, he exists. He's not even sure if life isn't just a fevered dream.

But it's a first that he wants something this badly.

Later, when they're watching some show about sea horses, bellies full, their knees touching - maybe it's the dim lighting, or it's the way Erwin seeks out his hand with his own and gives it a little squeeze every now and then - Levi leans his dark little head on his shoulder and asks him out in the softest of voice.

Erwin may need another lesson to learn his place in the aftermath of this. He says yes in a heartbeat.

**Author's Note:**

> This was certainly an experience. No, I didn't project onto Erwin at all! What do you mean?
> 
> Comments are welcome!


End file.
